Girlfriendz Guide to Making the Best Choices for Our Elder Loved ...

By Graziella DiNuzzo

The strong and independent parents, aunts and uncles who once helped guide us are now depending on us to make their senior years fulfilling and safe. But our current responsibilities make it exceedingly more difficult to care for them without professional help.

ACCORDING TO Rengena Chan-Ting, DO, Medical Director for LIFE at Lourdes, a 2011 AARP Public Policy Institute study shows that the average caregiver in 2009 was a 49 year old woman. She had a job outside the home yet spent nearly 20 hours per week providing unpaid care to her mother.

At some point, choices need to be made, so Girlfriendz Magazine reached out to area experts to ask their advice on best options for elder care.

Q: When should you bring in help to keep your parents in their home or yours?
A: Anthony Pusillo, Interim Director of Home Care Services at Spring Hills Home Care Services in Cherry Hill, understands a parent?s first reaction, ?Having a ?stranger in my home? as most parents call it, is a hard decision for most families. You need to be comfortable with the idea of someone else coming in and taking care of your parents. It is important for all to understand what is prompting the need for home care and the personal issues and feelings that lie within it. The children should start by compiling a list of what the parents are no longer able to do on their own.?

?When a family member or parent is having difficulty maintaining their home either inside or out, it is probably a good time to seek help with these tasks,? says Lisa Cinquero, Founder/Owner of Personally Yours, Senior & Support Services, LLC in Shamong. ?Assistance in the home needs to be addressed in a positive manner. Never focus on what your family member is not able to do. Instead, stress what she or he can do. Personally Yours offers gift certificates for services tailored to each clients? needs because if it?s a gift, the client is less likely to reject it. When senior family members are showing signs of not eating, they aren?t dressing for the day, their personal hygiene has become an issue, there is a change in their mental status, the house is messy, cluttered and needs cleaning, their medications are not being taken properly; safety is becoming an issue. These are all times that assistance in the home becomes necessary.?

Q: Does living on their own make sense for your parent or parents?
A: Bonnie Smith, Marketing Manager of Comfort Keepers of Glassboro says that?s a difficult question to answer. ?Knowing how to assess potential care needs and the types of care available can provide peace of mind during the decision process. Comfort Keepers has created an in-home Senior Care Assessment Guide to help you better evaluate the care needs of your loved ones. With informational articles, lists of questions and easy-to-use checklists, we?ve created a simple system to help you determine the types and amount of care a senior may need.? Clients of Comfort Keepers of Glassboro and Haddonfield can access the system.

You?ll know if independent living is an option for your parents if they are able to handle their own Activities of Daily Living (ADLs), which include: Dressing, Eating, Ambulating (walking), Toileting and Hygiene. Strangely enough, the ?L? in ADLs stand for LIVING, but comically, the 5 words form the mnemonic: DEATH.

Like every other option for our loved ones, independent living is all about living. It simply offers a higher level of dependence. And if this is in your parents? future, LuAnne Siwiec of The Weston Club at Sagemore in Marlton says, ?Independent living here is ?the perfect balance of independence and peace of mind in a setting of affordable luxury.? Our one and two-bedroom apartments offer full-size, eat-in kitchens with washers and dryers. We have a private club with restaurant, heated atrium pool, computer center, fitness area, card rooms and library. Residents don?t have to worry about mowing the lawn or shoveling the snow, and if that?s not enough to entice your parents to sell their huge home, I don?t know what is!?

Wendy Pester, Community Relations Liaison of HomeWatch CareGivers of Haddon Twp. says, ?Assisted and independent living communities?and I say communities because the word ?facility? has such a negative connotation?are an ideal option for those who would benefit from the activities and socialization of a structured community, but in the case of assisted living, require some assistance with ADLs. One only need visit a few of our local communities to know they are not facilities, but active, engaging apartment homes!?Socialization and remaining as active as possible are paramount to the overall physical and mental health of our seniors, and this is where the active lifestyle of assisted or independent communities come in to play.

Q: When is the right time to take away the car keys?
A: Jodi Goldberg, LSW, Owner of Home Instead Senior Care of Gloucester County, cautions, ?You might start to notice subtle changes in mental status of your loved one, or she is forgetting where the car keys are. This may be the right time to start having conversations with your parents and any other siblings about driving. It?s important to discuss these things before it gets out of control.?

Q: What should you look for when choosing a good nursing home, assisted living facility or independent living facility?
A: Susan Choe, BSN, CALA, Executive Director of CareOne at Evesham Assisted Living suggests, ?You want to show up unannounced to tour a facility so you can see what it?s like on a day-to-day basis. The residents should be engaged and the staff should be friendly. If your loved one has a problem with forgetfulness or wandering, you don?t want a facility with long hallways and many floors. You want a place that is easy to get around.?Look at the nooks and crannies of the building to make sure the place is clean.? You also want to ask about any deficiencies the building received in the last state survey and how they were corrected.?Talk to a few residents (or even families if they?re in visiting their loved one) so you can get a real, honest opinion of how happy they are with the facility.

?Do the residents living there appear happy and are they enjoying themselves?? asks Laura McKeon of Woodbury Mews Senior Living in Woodbury. Woodbury Mews offers both assisted living and independent living. McKeon also asks, ?Is there a home-like feeling? Are you greeted with a smile? Have you heard about the potential community from family, friends or professionals??

Q: What is respite care? Who needs it and why?
A: Jennifer Troncone, Community Relations Director at Emeritus at Voorhees Assisted Living, explains, ?Respite care is a temporary stay in a furnished apartment.?Most places have a minimum stay. Here at Emeritus of Voorhees, it?s one week. We offer respite care in both our assisted living and Memory Care neighborhoods.?Alternatively, mom may not be strong enough to go home after a fall and needs some continued rehab. She can come here, get her strengthening exercises, mental stimulation and a balanced diet program. And finally, parents who live with their adult children who may need to travel or take care of their own health issues, can rely on our respite care program. We answer the question, ?Where can dad go while we attend briefly to our lives??

Lisa Grim, Marketing Director of Comfort Keepers of Haddonfield says, ?Respite care is a very necessary component of the caregiving process. In most cases, requests from an aging loved one for help with everyday tasks only increases and rarely decreases. What starts out as a few hours a week can easily turn into a few hours a day, every day. ?Upon meeting these families, we quickly realize that the care is not only for the senior in the home, but a well-needed rest for the primary caregiver.?

Q: When is it time to start thinking about hospice?
A: ?This is one of the most difficult questions to answer,? says Kristen Lorenz, Community Liaison at Acacia Hospice of Medford. ?Before contacting any hospice, gather the immediate family, and along with the patient, determine what your goals and needs will be for the coming weeks and months. Be sure to?prioritize?the patient?s desires. Write these goals down so everyone is in agreement going forward. Have the hospice clearly define what services are provided under Medicare guidelines and discuss any ?specialty programs? that may be unique to their organization. Ask for a meeting with the RN case manager and social worker who will be providing the Care Plan to establish a ?comfort of?compatibility? before agreeing to their services.?

Q: If family members can?t agree on the care of their elder loved ones, what help should they seek?
A: Roseann Vanella, Founder and President of Advanced Mediation Solutions explains the advantages of elder mediation. ?It preserves relationships because it allows everyone, including the elders, to discuss issues in a neutral, safe and non-threatening environment. It also helps maintain the elder?s dignity by empowering her to be part of the decision-making. And finally, it facilitates communication, resulting in decisions that are truly in the best interest of the elder.?

Q: Is it too late for our parents to purchase life and long-term care insurance?
A: Lynn Rockwell, Certified Long-Term Care Specialist of Rockwell Financial, LLC says, ?It?s never too late. Even if parents have pre-existing conditions or were turned down previously for long-term care insurance, there are alternatives available. Some companies are less stringent in their health requirements. Alternatively, you are never too young to purchase long-term care coverage. The younger and healthier you are, the lower the cost of insurance. As women and caregivers, we run a higher risk of illness and need care ourselves due to the emotional and physical stress of caregiving. And we, in turn, do not want to be a burden on our own children.?
[ Learn More About It ]

HOME CARE AGENCIES

Comfort Keepers of Glassboro
856-582-1054, www.comfortkeepers.com
Comfort Keepers of Haddonfield
856-857-6120, www.comfortkeepers.com

HomeWatch CareGivers South Jersey of Haddon Twp.
www.homewatchcaregivers.com/south-jersey

Home Instead Senior Care of Camden & Burlington County
www.homeinsteadsnj.com
Home Instead Senior Care of Gloucester County
www.homeinstead.com/655

Personally Yours, Senior & Support Services, LLC of Shamong
www.personallyyourssenior.com

Spring Hills Home Care Services of Cherry Hill
www.spring-hills.com

ASSISTED LIVING FACILITIES

CareOne at Evesham Assisted Living
www.care-one.com/locations/careone-at-evesham-assisted-living

Emeritus at Voorhees
www.emeritus.com/new-jersey/voorhees/summerville-voorhees

Woodbury Mews Senior Living of Woodbury
www.kapdev.com/p/senior_living/independent_living_4186/woodbury-nj-08096/woodbury-mews-4186

INDEPENDENT LIVING

The Weston Club at Sagemore in Marlton
www.davisenterprises.com/davis_properties/apt_features.asp?propertyID=203

HOSPICE

Acacia Hospice in Burlington
www.acaciahospice.org

MEDIATION SERVICES

Advanced Mediation Solutions
www.advancedmediationsolutions.net

LIFE & LONG-TERM CARE INSURANCE

Rockwell Financial, LLC
Email: rockwellfincl@aol.com

Source: http://www.girlfriendzmag.com/2013/01/girlfriendz-guide-making-best-choices-for-elder-loved-ones/

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